Your Online Cup of Tea
Today I went do a few errands and bought some treats to eat. After preparing dinner and having a mind towards desert I started looking for my croissants. I couldn’t find them and searched all over, getting more agitated. I had heard my house mate walking about, and in my mind started forming accusatory thoughts about them taking it. “Maybe it was a mistake… maybe it was on purpose!”
I also started to realize how wrong it was that I was getting so bent out of shape because of it. How Lent was precisely trying to deal with such attachments to things that I needn’t have. That my character and temperament was so dependent upon having three croissants. But still I continued to look. I was too upset to believe I just lost them. They had to be found. Thinking back on my shopping, I started questioning whether I had actually bought them at all? But why wouldn’t I? Then it hit me. In my minds eye the bakery aisle was clear and I could see the sign bellow the precious treats: Creamy Croissants. That’s why I didn’t buy them. They had dairy. And this was Lent. I remember my sigh. I remember feeling good that I was keeping the fast. But in one stroke I had missed the spirit of it.
What I had gained by denying myself a type of food, I had missed by letting myself be so moved by food at all. Is my character really that dependent on mood swings? On a full stomach? Can I really get so mad because of three treats? I wanted something so much that I imagined I had it and got mad when thinking it was lost.
These are the passions which this season is calling me to deal with. I’ve always been overly attached to food. But now it’s time to do something about it I suppose. Kyrie Eleison.
“O Lord and Master of my life, take from me the spirit of sloth, despair, lust of power, and idle talk.
But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to Thy servant.
Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see my own transgressions, and not to judge my brother, for blessed art Thou, unto ages of ages. Amen.”
-Lenten Prayer of St. Ephrem